Looking Forward to Thanksgiving

As an out-of-state student, I have been waiting for weeks to go home for Thanksgiving break! It’s been about a month since I went home for fall break and I already can’t wait to see my friends and family again. Thanksgiving is an exciting time for several reasons: good food, time with extended family, and overlapping breaks with high school friends. However, Thanksgiving break isn’t nearly as long as I would like and it can be difficult to fit everything in during the short time at home. 

With Thanksgiving break right around the corner, here are some things to keep in mind when your student comes home:

They may not be home all the time. 

After not seeing your college student for months, it’s natural to want to see them as much as possible any time they come back. But it’s likely that your student may have other plans they haven’t communicated to you yet. During the few days I will be home for Thanksgiving break, I’ve already planned to spend an entire day at a Rutgers football game with my hometown friends. In order to make sure my parents and siblings weren’t hurt by my absence, I communicated this plan to them in advance and reassured them that I would spend lots of time with them throughout the week. 

PARENT TIP: One way my family of 6 stays on top of scheduling and time commitments (even with two kids hundreds of miles away at college) is through a shared Google Calendar. We keep it regularly updated so that my parents know our plans when we come home for breaks and so that my older sister and I know when they’re available to call and talk. Additionally, stay updated on their final exam schedule so you know when they’ll be back for winter break. 

They may feel overwhelmed with your questions. 

One area that can be a little sensitive with college students is the constant questions they’ll likely get on Thanksgiving from all their relatives whom they don’t talk to as much. Questions about future career plans, internships, major changes, studying abroad, friend groups, and college life can become overwhelming when asked repeatedly. When your student comes home, try not to bombard them with questions and allow them time to settle in. After all, the week before Thanksgiving break is a stressful time for many college students. Try to provide a relaxing environment for your student to enjoy their time at home!  You want this time to be a break from all the social and academic pressures they’re experiencing. 

PARENT TIP: Give your student ample time to settle in before asking them any college-related questions. Once you do begin the conversation with your student, allow them to guide the conversation and don’t pressure them to share more than they want to. Use this time to gauge how they’re feeling- if you sense any agitation or tension, guide the conversation in another direction. If you feel like your student may be experiencing extreme stress and anxiety, encourage them to reach out to the Counseling Center.

They may have different interests/ perspectives. 

It’s hard to imagine all the changes that your student has undergone in the short few months they’ve been away! But everything about college, from dorm living to classes to their newfound independence, results in some changes in your student. You may discover that the interests and perspectives your student had when you last saw them are in the past- and that’s ok! Maybe they’re no longer obsessed with that TV show you used to watch together, or they have a new favorite musical artist. Embrace all the changes you observe in your student with an open mind and an open heart. Encourage them to pursue new interests through a student organization or club!

PARENT TIP: Try to avoid coming off as judgemental or questioning as you learn more about their new hobbies, interests, and perspectives. For example, if your student has changed their major to something you’re unfamiliar with, approach the conversation with a genuine desire to learn more about their decision. Your role in supporting your student may look different than it did when they were in high school- allow them to embrace their independence and let them know you are always there if they need you. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Best wishes for the holiday season. 

Kiran Muttathil, Parent Ally